Wasted Youth

by fairfax, ak

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1.
03:17
They say you can never go home again I never looked back Leaving' with the clothes I had on, a sturdy pair of shoes And half empty bottle of Jack I'm only trying to escape my echoes of yesterdays So I'll save my breath for the sullen steps to Sante Fe Well I'm leavin' Movin' on Don't know why I'm going But I know I won't stay long I know why you're running boy I know your kind son We only run from ourselves boy It takes one to know one I ain't putting' myself on no pedestal I never tried to fix me anyhow Do you really think you'll find what you're looking for in the next town? Well I'm leavin' Movin' on Don't know where I'm going But I know I won't stay long I'm gonna catch a free ride on that train I'm gonna start over again Well I'm leavin' Movin' on Don't know where I'm going But I know I won't stay long
2.
Weekend insomniacs They can't get cigarettes at 3am Broken bottles and crooked glass With late night introspection I'm so sick I'm so sick Sick of the neighborhood As I should (You would) The tube top wearin' table top servin' late night waitress Smells of burnt coffee and black pen ink This town, yeah this whole town It ain't go no innocence left savin' I'm so sick I'm so sick Sick of the neighborhood As I should (You would) I'm so sick of the street lights, the bar fights The street lights, the bar fights I'm so sick I'm so sick Sick of the neighborhood Yeah you would
3.
She bought a pack smokes just to prove that she could That fake ID got more use then it should In my brother's car she sat on the passenger side 16 on borrowed time she hung her feet out the window She took her sweater off and I saw the bruises on her arms Then she asked me, "Do you think if Jesus came back anyone would even notice?" I never heard a girl talk quite like her before She looked away and played with the lock on the door She held back tears and I parked behind the library with the neon sign We talked about Alaska She calmed down when we got high She said the day you really die Is the day when no living soul can even remember your name I'd be lying if I didn't think she made be nervous But I fell in love with her stories and the false hope in her lies She always said she would head out west to calm down Two weeks later she had hitch-hiked her way out of town
4.
I didn't wear a helmet that night Just so the wind could clear my head All my mistakes have first names I hope the rain will wash my hands Yellow fingers cut through highway The horizon curves the white lines don't Words of poets waft on the gasoline I spread the ashes of my heart in the American sun She is a ripple And I am a chrome jackknife skirting the edge of her wake I searched for freedom In the stone of the two-lane, where secrets live in the dust But I found nothing but capsized dreams And I realized what I had become First light crept in and peeled back my skin I changed my clothes but not my mind Forever a prisoner of the white lies of the freeway
5.
These walls are always cold Colder are the window panes But coldest are the hands that feed Those wicked little pills They give me intravenous dreams of a world I'll never breathe again The white coats on their ward Their calculating stares Even they believe in miracles They just have ways of explaining them The most dangerous luxuries My freedom and my sanity Now I have learned The saddest words that any man can say Are I used to be
6.
Well that ticket taker God bless his soul Telling' all the children he invented rock n' roll But they turn him a deaf ear They've been bored all weekend And they're just so happy to be here And that bass player He's trying to push the beat a little faster And that guitar player He's wearin' out the finish on that telecaster And that singer He scans the front row for attractive ladies While the band behind him Plays those borrowed melodies And the band's playin' songs that are new But the old ones the crowd don't even know the words to They're only here to escape the working week's tragedies Sit back, have a drink, and enjoy those waves of sound Waves of borrowed melodies And there's a man wearing the shirt of the band He's gonna try to sell you merchandise But pay no mind to him When a young girl across the room Peers into your eyes
7.
The buildings look like movie props a sequel to the life I thought I forgot and I found new friends I'm living paycheck to paycheck the thrill of independence my apartment's a wreck and that ain't no means to an end Tuesday morning with hungover ambition regrets and the whisky are my acts of contrition and I lost my mind I'm driving that truck at night Torn thumbs over tattered classifieds and until my lottery line comes in I will bide my time
8.
Not everyone falls in love I couldn't if I tried It could be so much better When I look in your eyes I don't have any answers I'm just good at pretending, honey My words They could fill a suitcase With paint by number cliches Tiny hearts they can get so weary By those three words so hard to take You asked me to go but I won't walk away No reason for leaving is no reason to stay I know I should have written you that letter But I know I had nothing good to say So take off that dress All your layers off There ain't no reason to hide We can try again But I won't say I love you this time
9.
04:16
I remember when Halloween still mattered And the summer winds When they came in It blew out the chalk dust from under our nails We had a camp ground Where we'd go down and drink from the sprinkler And that water smells worse than it tastes Wet pavement and something metallic Unshaved and terrified in the mirror I convinced myself I lived when I was young I searched for peace of mind in suburban life A quiet home with a quiet wife It can’t be found No it can't be found Now I miss who I once was But maybe I'm bitter I surrounded myself With the things I thought mattered Like a job that I hate And a reliable car An empty apartment And fake friends from the bar I don't feel grown up I just pretend to get by They say that ignorance is bliss I've come to know why I want that ignorance back I want that innocence back I wasted my youth when I was young
10.
Driver get me the hell away from here There's a Shepherd Road on the other side of town West of Greek's on 79th You'll see a roadside motel with a broken sign He's only angry when he drinks And lately he's been angry all the time After seven long years of monochrome tears from tired eyes Word travels fast in towns of this size Yeah, It won't be the first time I walk away From the beer soaked morals and midnight quarrels I wasted a youth givin' out second chances but driver Turn this cab around Tired bodies they grow older Heated passions they grow colder And time can cause as many wounds than it heals He can lay his hands on me I never expected him to change The life of my child is one he will not steal It won't be my first time crawling back To the old stone steps of this broken home But tonight on the cool cracked pavement I hear my baby crying

credits

released September 15, 2016

Doc - guitars, vocals, organ, and synth
Dave Afdahl - piano, rhodes, organ
Tim Binger - cello, synth
Haley Fleming - violin, synth
Corey Bertelsen - drums, aux percussion
Andy Myers - aux percussion
Matty Harris - tenor sax, alto sax, baritone sax
Ben Bussey - trombone
Bryan 'Lumpy' Highhal - trumpet

Mixed and Mastered by Rob Genadek at Brewhouse Recordings

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fairfax, ak Minneapolis, Minnesota

"That might have been the loudest folk act I have ever heard" - Steve McCllellan of First Avenue.

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